


Beep

by taeminleaf



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, SHINee - Freeform, hyunmin, jongtae - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9820277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeminleaf/pseuds/taeminleaf
Summary: Does love have its consequences?





	1. Part 1

There’s a long beep after ‘Press your Number’ comes to and end, signalling the end of the radio show and the viewable radio; Jonghyun and Taemin both let out a long sigh in unison, relieved that the two-hour show has finally reached its end. Sweaty and flushed in the warm room, Taemin takes a long swig from his water bottle and pinches the front of his dark sweater, pulling it back and forth to create some ventilation under the thick material as he drinks.

“Warm in here huh?” Jonghyun asks, sitting up after drinking from his water bottle as well. A smirk plays on his lips and Taemin is already half hiding his face, he nods and sets his water down, swaying in his chair. His chest tightens as he watches Jonghyun grip the table and slide over in his chair. He pulls on Taemin’s chair’s armrest, filling the space between them so their knees are touching.

A small breath escapes Taemin when Jonghyun places a hand on his thigh, squeezing lightly as he moves upwards.

“Jonghyun..” Taemin warns, his head tipping back and breath catching in his throat as he turns his head to look at the staff in the next room, visible through a glass pane between the two walls. Before Jonghyun can whine and protest something about not caring who sees them he notices the staff leaving the observing room, leaving them entirely alone.

A devilish grin plays on his face as he tugs on Taemin’s arm, pulling him close, he flutters his eyelashes against Taemin’s plush skin, almost causing the younger to shiver. Leaning closer, he places a peck, barely even a kiss to his cheek. Taemin desperately tries to fight off the smile invading his face but fails.

Jonghyun tilts his head to kiss his other cheek, making an effort to kiss exaggeratedly slow, in hopes of making Taemin’s cheeks bloom coral again. He loves when the younger’s face heats up and becomes warm to the touch, there’s something about the flushed look on Taemin’s face that makes Jonghyun swoon endlessly.

Jonghyun goes back to kissing the first neglected cheek, this time bringing his other hand up to slip around Taemin’s waist. He hums into the gentle kiss, sending a short pulse of vibrations into Taemin’s cheek. A giggle escapes Jonghyun’s mouth when he pulls back to see a more than flushed Taemin looking back at him. He’s biting down hard into his lavish, bottom lip and Jonghyun’s not sure he’s ever seen a more beautiful sight before him. 

Jonghyun pulls back, puffing small heated breaths over Taemin’s already warm face. Taemin takes this as instruction to close his eyes and shyly grip Jonghyun’s sweater with small, timid hands.

“Ah..hmm so sweet, I missed this” Jonghyun whispers, peppering a few more kisses to Taemin’s cheeks, enjoying the heat that meets his lips when he kisses him. “I missed you”

“Missed me?” Taemin asks, a light chuckle escapes him. “It’s only been a few weeks, and we usually go home to the same dorm each night”

“Mmm I know, but we’re usually so tired we only get in a kiss or two, then we crash” Jonghyun coos, sliding his hand over Taemin’s waist in that soothing yet sensual way he loves.

“Ahh I see, you just want me for my body” Taemin jokes, meeting Jonghyun’s now-serious gaze.

“I want you for your everything” He admits, making Taemin gulp. He leans close, tightening his grip on Taemin’s waist and hovers his mouth over the youngers and Taemin swears their lips touch for a moment, but before he can think Jonghyun is peppering his cheeks again.

Jonghyun lets himself become distracted with flushing Taemin up, making sure he’s perfectly pink before kissing him elsewhere. He huffs along his ears, knowing how much Taemin adores having his ears tantalized, he lingers at his ear and ever so gently kisses the lobe, he pulls back when he feels cold metal on his lips and remembers Taemin’s hoops. He smiles and then falls lower, down to his neck. He brings a hand up to pull at the turtleneck of Taemin’s sweater, half annoyed at the fabric that's blocking him from Taemin’s sweet, pearlescent skin.

He takes his time ghosting his lips over the crook of neck, and by this point Taemin is almost putty in his chair, with each passing moment, he grips Jonghyun’s sweater tighter and leans closer. They sit there slowly heating up amidst the quiet of the room, both of them with closed lids, enjoying the feel of each other, even in such a gentle, barely there sort of way. 

With eyes swimming behind his lids, and a mouth starting to pool with wetness, Taemin wonders how stupid- or cute they look like this. If his mind’s eye is any good, he imagines that at least right now, they probably look quite suspicious, sure they weren’t kissing yet but if you were at the right distance, it would definitely look questionable. He smiles to himself, wondering what they would say if someone happened to walk in, he wonders if they could pass it off as whispering, or friendly hugging, but he doesn’t let himself linger on the thought, knowing that they don’t have to hide from absolutely everyone. He also certainly doesn’t want to waste his time thinking about that right now. No. Not when his body is under such gentle adoration, with that- he bites his lip, almost wishing he could see the two of them from someone else’s point of view, just to see, to know what it looks like when two people are in love. 

When Taemin can’t sit still any longer, he makes an effort to reciprocate, this time with less breath and more lips, but occasionally using a combination of the two. As Jonghyun continues to huff on his neck and jaw, he moves to thread his fingers through Jonghyun’s deliciously silken hair. He threads his fingers through, twisting them around, pulling gently and soon they’re both leaning into each other, so needy for each other’s touch that they forget their surroundings; and it’s not like it matters much.

The first to know about their relationship was obviously the members, and then after was their manager, followed by a few close cordi-noonas. 

It only made sense for Jonghyun to let a couple of his friends/co workers at Blue Night know of his relationship with Taemin, just so they wouldn’t have to hide or sneak around if Taemin ever decided to visit him at work; and he was sure when Taemin and him told those few people, they were trustworthy and accepting, and everything was okay in their small world.

After teasing Taemin with his ever so gentle ministrations, he places a quick peck to Taemin’s nose mole and chuckles before leaning lower to catch the younger’s mouth against his. Time seems to pause when their mouths are attached, it’s like nothing else matters except for the feel of their lips against each other’s. It’s not even an open-mouthed kiss and yet it lights a flame in them ever so quickly. Before they know, their chaste kissing developes into fervent smacking and squishing of plump, pink lips, and in the air around them, small whimpers are heard and neither of them care who’s making those noises because honestly, the small sounds, the gentle moans and everything else is pretty damn hot.

They separate for barely a moment and even though it’s hardly been a minute of their heated kissing, they’re both half out of breath. With open, shaking mouths they eye each other, knowing their bedroom is going to be twice as heated as the radio room once they get home. Taemin tries to mutter something but is interrupted by Jonghyun’s mouth.

They kiss like this for a while, clutching each other’s too-warm sweaters, both of them half tempted to strip each other right then and there.

“Mmm, hyung, stop please..let’s just go h-home. I- I can’t take this” Taemin whines against Jonghyun’s mouth, pulling on his thick beige sweater in hopes that he’ll get the message that he can’t wait much longer. All he receives in answer is another deep kiss from Jonghyun, and a hand grabbing his hair tighter while the other skims down the front of Taemin’s body, finding the opening of his black sweater and peeking his hands under to tease at his soft skin. When Taemin feels his fingers travelling he slides his tongue in Jonghyun’s mouth in search of more warmth. It’s full bodied and lingering and neither can get enough of each other.

“Mmm soon Tae” Jonghyun pulls back from Taemin’s lips, tracing his mouth along Taemin’s jaw, steadily moving towards his ear. Taemin leans his head to the side lacing his fingers into Jonghyun’s soft hair, pushing him down into his neck and allowing him more space to roam with his lips.

Deciding neither of them can take this sweet torture anymore they separate, and it’s definitely not easy at first. The first time they detach themselves they stand up, pretending they’re fine even though they’re panting. In a moment their lips are connected again, only this time Jonghyun pushes the set of water bottles on the table out of the way and lifts Taemin to sit on it. They detach again, grabbing hold of each other, unable to control their actions; finally they break and pack up, heaving.

The second time they come together is at the door of the room. Taemin pushes Jonghyun against the door and they drop their bags, but it’s a bold and mature move on Taemin’s part that separates them again. He bites down into Jonghyun’s lips, making the older groan, and even though Jonghyun likes the pain he gets the hint. This time, they make it to their car.

But. They almost consider doing it in the car- that is until Jonghyun forcefully turns on his car’s air conditioning, knowing the both really need to cool down, even if there’s snow all around them. The drive home to the dorm is painfully slow even with no traffic, but they are sated by the simple contact of their fingers laced.

\---

They arrive at their dorm well into the late night and find everyone else already asleep, the opt out on showering since they both know there’s only more sweat to come in the following hours. 

Storming to their thankfully shared room, they clash lips, mouths hot against each other’s and they quickly abandon all forms of clothing.

They waste no time on any extra foreplay, having already done enough of that at the studio. Once stripped they mount Taemin's bed. Both eager for contact, they make quick of prepping and soon enough Jonghyun is in him. Jonghyun stares at Taemin, he's pliable and tangible under him, holding him like he might vanish, and the older doing just the same, not wanting to ever let go, never wanting their time together to be cut short.

Tonight, they go slow, starved for one another after weeks of non-overlapping schedules. They kiss and bite anywhere their mouths can reach, trying to remember each other as if it’s been years without contact. Nails scrape down hot skin and hair gets tugged on harshly but it’s never enough, they know their need will never be filled.

Their night is filled with quiet, wanton moans and groans, they keep it this way when the others are asleep, no thanks to an angry Kibum giving them a lecture last week on keeping it down after hours. But they like it this way too, it’s sneaky and a rush and they both like the secretive and sensual feeling that comes from it, as if they’re sneaking around like teenagers doing what they shouldn’t.

And they are in a sense- each day hiding themselves from prying eyes, the judging masses and all unaccepting or disapproving of their relationship. But as much as they’d like to reveal themselves to the public and give back to those they know will support them, they know it’s too big a risk for their careers, their friends and themselves.

No matter how much they yearn to clutch each other under the daytime sun, kiss beneath the green trees of a public garden, or one day even, flaunt their matching rings of eternal promise. No matter how much they wish they could do all those ‘normal’ things, they know that as long as they’re together and have this- this privacy with one another- and time for themselves, alone, they’ll be okay remaining in the shadows forever.

The quiet is often times good, it gives them time, time to reach out, to love and enjoy and embrace everything the other has to offer both with heart, mind, body and soul. They love their bubble of tranquility, and they don’t want anyone to interrupt it.

Hands travel over legs and chests; kisses become sparse and soon after that they’re reaching their limit, making an effort to stay quiet. They gasp, gripping each other so tightly they’re afraid they might break, might explode from their pleasure. They tremble amidst the darkness of their room, the only source of light being the moon out past their half open curtains.

After what seems like eons of chests rising and lowering at quickened rates they meet again under the sheets, close together despite the sweat amongst other fluids on them. Their hands lace together and their lips meet, almost nervously like they did in the radio room. But nervousness soon becomes boldness but boldness doesn’t evolve into anything more, since they’re too spent to even consider going again, but that’s alright.

They lay there like this, calming down and basking in their afterglow, tangled together and not planning to untie themselves any time soon. They love their bubble of tranquility. 

Unfortunately their bubble is broken a few minutes later when Jonghyun’s phone buzzes in his pants, he reaches for it and sees a familiar number- a Blue Night co worker’s number. With a dazed voice he answers, not noticing it was at least three in the morning. He answers lowly, noticing Taemin already half dozed off beside him.

What he hears on the other end of the phone is a mixture of panic, rage, and fear. Something about a camera, about him and Taemin, about them touching and kissing, about a live video. Somewhere along the string of sentences being spoken to him, his heart drops, he figures it out, how so quickly? He doesn’t know, but he’s quite sure his friend is panicking over Taemin and him. Kissing. Live. On-camera, for thousands of people to see. Because of a false broadcasting beep. 

A beep everyone thought was real.

[To be Continued..]


	2. Part 2

Everything is quiet for now, with his phone on silent, Taemin and the others asleep, it’s just him, and despite what might happen tomorrow, he knows right now isn’t the time to stress over it, but instead the time to indulge in what might be left of their happiness.

He doesn’t know what the future holds, but he knows he wants Taemin and all his friends in it; right now he’s scared, he doesn’t want this to end. So he lays back down and pulls Taemin into a half-suffocating hug, trying to embed the feeling of Taemin’s skin on his into his mind, trying to savour each texture that makes contact with him. He holds him dearly, tears welling up in his glassy eyes. He doesn’t want tomorrow to come, and he desperately wishes that Taemin’s little bubble of quiet and joy could stay the way it is right now- constant as he rests.

He smooths a hand over Taemin’s currently dirty blonde hair and his chest aches with that all-too familiar discomfort. On one hand he’s beyond terrified. What does this mean for all of them? Is this it? Has it all come to an end because Taemin and him weren’t careful? No, if anyone’s to blame, it’s himself. He works at the damn place, and for him not to realize something was off is weighed on him, not Taemin. On the other hand, could this be their chance at freedom? Whether they’ll admit it or not, they’ve been waiting for something like this to happen for a while now, and maybe just maybe, things won’t go horribly wrong, and they might just have a chance at having a normal life.

Hours pass like this. With Jonghyun clutching Taemin like he might lose him- and he really might. With thoughts spinning through his mind, ranging from worst case scenario to the best. He thinks back to his friend’s voice blasting in his ears, his voice sure didn’t sound like a ‘best case scenario’.

He wants to be with Taemin, he doesn’t want anything to change, so he lets sleep drown out his thoughts as he holds onto his only boy, his only one.

-

Curses and screams are what the two lovers wake up to, still wrapped together under their sheets. With groggy eyes, Jonghyun searches for Taemin in an instant, automatically remembering their current situation and knowing now that his only worries are for the younger. He finds Taemin next to him just as eager to find him; with disheveled hair and puffy lips, Jonghyun almost forgets their predicament as he gazes at the ever pretty, groggy boy.

“Hyung..what’s going on? Why is..everyone yelling? I- I thought today was our day off.” Taemin mumbles, sliding up to lean on his elbow. Jonghyun just blinks, unable to tell him what’s happened, only wanting the blonde to have happy thoughts.

Jinki storming into their shared room breaks their gaze. They freeze and watch as he walks in, panicked and confused and angry. Jonghyun grips Taemin’s arm, wanting to somehow protect him, brace him for what he’s about to hear, because he doesn’t know how the younger will react. Will Taemin cry? He usually doesn’t, but would a situation like this call for it? Will he remain calm and collected? Jonghyun isn’t sure, but all he does know is that he’s going to miss that warm smile Taemin always has on his face, he knows he won’t be seeing it for a while now.

Voices scatter, Taemin shakes and Jonghyun sighs. Everything seems to go in slow motion now as Taemin is turning his head to Jonghyun, asking him for assurance once Jinki delivers the news. All Jonghyun can do is nod in embarrassment.

The first time his chest aches is when Taemin scatters from their bed when Jonghyun tries to touch him. He showers and gets changed, coming back to still find Jonghyun beneath the sheets, unwilling to do anything. His head pounds from the other members arguing in the kitchen and he doesn’t bother saying a word to Jonghyun, just storms into the kitchen. The room goes quiet in a matter of seconds, eyes slowly follow him as he walks to grab some food from their fridge. He hears their whispers and a knot forms inside him, he knows the knot will tie itself into something bigger, and eventually one day break, tearing him apart from the inside out. He lingers there, half hidden behind the door, almost unable to move in fear of them calling him out.

After a long, cold shower and a new outfit, Jonghyun is making his way to the others, head lowered, unable to even look at them. When Taemin sees him like this, he can’t help but regret pushing him away as soon as he heard the news. Now all he wants to do it hold the other in his embrace until he doesn’t look so broken. But he can’t risk that now, not with all the others watching, judging. He sits at the table, not even making an effort to find something to eat, probably too drained to have an appetite.

Taemin understands the members and their anger, but at the same time he doesn’t. The members seemed so fine, so content- happy even, with his and Jonghyun’s relationship, they even admitted once that they all rooted for them to get together a while back. But now rage boils under his skin. Are they backing out on what they said, now that their relationship isn’t convenient for them, now that they’re the ones suffering?

It sends Taemin off the edge like no other, and he knows he can’t hide like this much longer, he knows Jonghyun can’t take the shame either. Taemin knows sooner or later he and Jonghyun will be close again, but right now, there isn’t much he can say to the older without setting the other members off. Thankfully, the maknae is still sneaky.

After hiding in the fridge for far too long, he grabs himself a yogurt cup, and sneaks another into his long sleeve. He makes way for a drawer and shyly pulls out two spoons. Once at the table, he eyes the others. They watch him as he sits and it aggravates him, he wants them to look away, to stop looking down on the two of them and think of themselves for once, because honestly, they shouldn’t be talking, Taemin’s hyungs might not officially be together at the moment, but he knows they’re morons if they don’t think he doesn’t notice the way Jinki and Kibum look at each other, or the way Minho fawns over guys from other groups.

When the members finally grow tired of Taemin opening his yogurt they look down at their food, giving Taemin the chance to slip Jonghyun the yogurt cup and spoon. When the cup comes into his vision his head shoots up, watching the way Taemin gently places the items before him. He can’t help but smile at him, loving the way the younger cares about him. Before he knows it, their hands are linked together over the table and they’re giving each other ‘I’m sorry’ looks even though deep down they both know neither of them are at fault.

“Oh my God, do you two ever stop?” Kibum groans, eyes staring at their linked fingers. They pull away instantly and Kibum scoffs, entirely disgusted by the sight of them. “Just- just stop oh my God, don’t you realize that video is everywhere, and everyone has seen it? We’ve even seen it for Gods sakes.” Kibum shouts, making Jinki and Minho look at the two, disappointed looks over their faces.

“Kibum..” Minho trails off facing his plate, hoping to calm the other down. He fails. Kibum makes a gross noise and then continues.

“You guys did this, not us, and we aren’t going to sit here and pay for your guys’ mistakes, so take the fall!” Kibum yells, fists smashing against the table before he stands and leaves the room. Jinki follows after him and Minho goes to the living room, displeased with what’s happened.

In spite of everything that Kibum said, Taemin takes Jonghyun’s hand and rubs it, hoping to convey his unspoken feelings of ‘I won’t leave you’ or ‘you’re not alone’. He thinks Jonghyun understands him because after a few seconds Jonghyun places a hand over his, leaning ever closer to Taemin.

-

Days of silence grow into weeks in their dorm. The members don’t even dare to look at the two of them anymore aside from hateful glances. But things are calm, for the most part.

-

The first week was the hardest; first their manager threw a fit, their other friends, family and relatives were next to throw their hands up, chastising Jonghyun and Taemin for not telling them they were gay, and that they were together, and once their families saw the video, it was all they needed to practically disown the men. Luckily their immediate families were at least a bit supportive, however it wasn’t enough to console them from the rest of the hateful world.

The media was a different story, mixed up and confused, writing articles that shed no light on the truth of their relationship. Tabloids left and right of their secret romance turned into a sort of drama for the public eye. Half the articles they read had absolutely nothing to do with them either, Taemin remembers reading one article suggesting that he was using Jonghyun to get to his sister Sodam, and another guessing he was dating Jonghyun for his money. He almost smashed his desk when he saw the first article, and outright screamed when he read the second.

Jonghyun thinks back to another article suggesting Taemin was pretending to be a man all these years, when in secret he was a female, and no matter how much reading that enraged him, he almost wished it could be true, because at least then- if a video of Jonghyun kissing a girl was released, at least he wouldn’t be reprimanded by the public for being in the ‘wrong’ type of relationship, hell, they might even praise him for finding a girlfriend even while under the tough scrutiny of his company’s rules.

The way things were going, they couldn’t imagine things could get worse, but slowly they did. At first it was just less screen time for them as they tried to pretend nothing was wrong. It was just less and less as time went on. Rumors popped up left and right, the group splitting, the two of them breaking up, and countless more. By the third week they didn’t bother going online anymore, and they reserved their phones for emergency contact. They had hit rock bottom and they didn’t know how they would ever rise above this whole mess.

Jonghyun’s co workers were no help either. They never admitted that it was a technical error that caused their broadcasting beep to go off incorrectly, or that the cameras kept recording even though they seemed fine. They kept repeating that it was Jonghyun’s fault, that he should have known better, that he shouldn’t have been so careless, or that he shouldn’t have even invited Taemin onto Blue Night in the first place when there were already a few rumors of them as a couple spreading around. They also stressed the fact that if the broadcast had gone smoothly and that if they were never exposed, that it wouldn’t change anything, because they would just be lying to everyone right now just as they were, and that they would be exposed one day anyways.

The stress that weighed on them never seemed to end, it was affecting the two of them the most. Over the weeks their touches became sparse, they’d shy away when the other spoke, and they went quiet. It was quiet for such a long time before they spoke again. Slowly, things started to calm down. For a bit, they both thought things could go back to normal, that maybe they could resurface. But their hopes were shut down by their manager soon enough. He told them it was just barely starting to cool down, while they were in hiding, and he told them to imagine what would happen if they went out in public for the first time in a month, all the fuss would just start over again. But they had to start from somewhere didn’t they?

It was a Saturday morning that Jonghyun and Taemin had decided to go for a drive, they weren’t exactly back to the way they were, but at least they were talking again, and thankful that their manager had actually let them leave the building. ‘A drive might clear your heads’, their manager had said. It was something they could handle, and it wasn’t that easy to spot a celebrity during the plain day in a regular car. They both secretly wondered if he was just trying to send them off somewhere so he wouldn’t have to deal with them, or that maybe while on the road they’d get kidnapped or killed, problem solved right?

It was a morbid thought, but they just couldn’t put it behind them, it was definitely possible. Their actions not only affected their own group, but the entire company and the other groups. They had become outcasts to their bosses, coworkers and friends.

So here they are now on this gloomy Saturday, with Jonghyun driving the streets in search of something they don’t know and Taemin waiting in the passenger seat. They cruise down the road and put their angry members behind themselves for a while. The ride is quiet for the first half. They keep their hands to themselves and drive, not knowing exactly where they’re going.

“Hyung...where exactly are we headed?” Taemin asks quietly. Jonghyun’s chest sinks at the sound of Taemin’s voice, hearing it for the first time since they arranged to go for a drive yesterday. He secretly wishes Taemin would call him ‘Jonghyun’ like he used to, when he wanted him to know he really cared, but he knew it was a bit too early for that. He couldn’t blame him, ‘Jonghyun’ was reserved for more intimate moments, but he still used it often when with him. He just has to wait, he guesses.

“I’m..not really sure Tae, I was hoping you’d have an idea.” he admits.

“Well.. we can’t really go somewhere public, so...somewhere secluded..what about those national parks you find all around the place?” Taemin suggests.

“Hmm, that might work, I’ll find a far away one, one that people don’t go to.” Jonghyun says.

The drive never seems to end, and they both grown a little restless. Jonghyun decides to turn the radio and immediately regrets it. ‘Press Your Number’ conveniently starts playing and while they both know it’s a good song, it takes them back to the time when it had played at the station, when it had played just before they had just ruined everything. Jonghyun frets, desperately trying to shut off the radio, knowing it just might upset Taemin more than him, being it’s his own song. Taemin sees his struggle and places a hand over his, knowing it can’t be easy to drive while fumbling with the radio controls.

“It’s alright..” Taemin says. Jonghyun’s heart picks up at Taemin’s touch. He pulls back, letting Taemin shut it off.

Jonghyun lets his hand fall to the console and rests it lightly on the gear shift. Shyly, Taemin places his on top, saying nothing.

“I’m tired of this..hyung.” Taemin admits, causing the older to turn his head for a moment.

“I- I am too, Taemin.” Jonghyun answers back almost instantly.

“Can we just-” Taemin starts, not knowing how to finish. He grips Jonghyun’s hand tighter and he gets the message.

“Yeah..we can” Jonghyun responds.

From then on, Taemin grips his hand tighter, and shifts just a bit in his seat, just to be that much closer to Jonghyun. The rest of the ride is filled with light talks and hands brushing and it’s nice and simple, and they both forget everything for a while

The car ride ends up taking about two hours in total, and by the end of it they’re half-crawling out of their car with aching legs. They take a moment to stretch and then walk on and enjoy their surroundings. The park is full of newly greening trees and buds just starting to form. It’s still a little cool out, but it’s nice nonetheless.

“Wow..how’d you find this place, it’s so nice and private.” Taemin exclaims, hesitating on the word ‘private’, he leans just a little closer to Jonghyun when he speaks and they walk like this down cobblestone paths for a while.

“Hey don’t blame me, the GPS did all the work.” Jonghyun chuckles, his fingers at his side, lightly playing with Taemin’s. After a few minutes of their fingers brushing and wiggling, Jonghyun takes it upon himself to brave up and hold his hand, it’s not like they hadn’t done way more than this, but everything just felt a little new to the both of them, but it was nice in a way, it was almost like falling in love all over again.

With their hands now linked, they walk down their path and make way for a new section of greening trees, benches lining the grass beneath them.

They stop at a particularly large, vibrant tree and just stand under it for a while, taking in the view before them. The park is big- and empty. With just the two of them there it’s a bit overwhelming, having this whole place to themselves in all its breathtaking beauty. So they just stand and stand and stand, take everything in and focus on the way the leaves rustle in the trees, the way birds chirp in the distance, and the way their hands always seem to warm up when clasped together despite the weather.

They spend a while like this, admiring everything nature has to offer them, and before they know it, Taemin is clutching Jonghyun’s arm, tightly even though he hadn’t noticed. It’s like magic, they think, they way their bond seems to seamlessly grow even after their hardships, they way they come together like magnets, inseparable and forever. They look down to their arms, half-smiling. It’s when Jonghyun looks up that Taemin’s smile melts away.

“Taemin..” Jonghyun starts. He has this look in his eyes like he hasn’t seen him in a lifetime and it’s Taemin’s favourite look, the look that makes him feel wanted, needed, loved. Taemin knows this look, this is the look that leads to leaning in, to pressing of lips and so much more. “Would it be too much if I..?” Jonghyun trails off, hoping Taemin knows what he means, and of course he does, he knows what the other means before he finishes.

Taemin shakes his head instantly. “Please..” Taemin half- begs, leaning close, nuzzling their cheeks together and then slowly their lips. They meet softly in the warm middle and it’s so slow and so soft, so quiet and delicate, that there’s nothing either of them want to change about this moment. They move slower than seconds, once again trying to remember the feel of the other on their mouths. They pull back, creating a half-wet sound. They smile at each other when they notice they are both starting to flush.

“This, it’s been a dream of mine.” Taemin confesses against Jonghyun’s lips, he looks up to the green leaves above them, and now they’re facing each other. “To kiss you like this, under a tree, it- it’s stupid but..” He says. Jonghyun almost wonders if everything right now is a dream because it’s like Taemin is the same person as him, merely reflecting back his own feelings. It’s like a fantasy, being together like they were before. He almost has trouble breathing, unable to process everything around him.

“For a long time now...I’ve felt like we shouldn’t do this” Taemin says, sending a chill down Jonghyun’s back. “..because it’s wrong.” he says, still holding onto Jonghyun. “But I can’t accept that something that feels this good, and this right, is wrong, and I won’t” Taemin finishes with pink cheeks, noticing Jonghyun is barely breathing. He shakes him a bit and when he doesn’t respond he lets his lips speak for him.

The younger wraps his mouth around the older’s, this time a bit quicker, a bit warmer. It’s so much and so little at the same time and slowly, they’re moving closer starting to grab at each other, holding and gripping their clothes tightly, snaking hands around body parts and swaying hips slowly.

What’s left of the space between them is quickly heating up and their kissing quickly abandons all forms of gentle and slow, and they forget all about the park as they stumble back to their car. Jonghyun fumbles with the car keys and soon they’re falling onto the backseat, shutting the door and kissing like they’ve never kissed before, it’s as if their mouths are the land and they are the explorers, yearning to learn, to search.

Now Jonghyun has Taemin lying on him, heated mouths colliding, hands reaching for what they’ve been starved of for so long. Hardly anything has happened yet and they are panting, heating up the space around them and ultimately, fogging up the windows even amidst the early spring weather.

Now Jonghyun is searching and feeling what he’s missed while the younger seeks out contact with his skin, impatiently ripping off his jacket. As he removes Jonghyun’s clothes, Jonghyun does the same, quickly sliding Taemin’s jeans off his shapely legs along with his shoes. Taemin whines into his mouth, surprised at the feeling of the other touching him like this- it’s been too long.

“Jonghyun” Taemin whines, pulling back from his mouth. Jonghyun moans when he hears his name spill from Taemin's lips. It's definitely been too long.

-

Taemin wakes up on Jonghyun's chest, albeit groggy and confused. Jonghyun is still asleep and naked under him and he smiles, remembering back to earlier. With a shaky hand he rubs at his eyes, taking in the darkness of the night surrounding their car. He props his hands on either side of Jonghyun's head and sits up a bit, noticing Jonghyun's jacket thrown over his butt. He winces a bit at the soreness in his posterior- but pain was to be expected after this long.

“Hmm?” Jonghyun breathes, feeling Taemin's warm and bare chest leave his. He brings his hands up to wrap around Taemin's arms, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss.

“I just..woke up.” Taemin slurs quietly, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of Jonghyun's dimly lit face.

“What time is it..?”

“Umm, I don't know..it's- it's dark out.” Taemin answers, sticking his head up to peek out their tinted windows. The entire park is nearly pitch black and while Taemin likes the privacy he feels a little nervous, being almost stranded like this.

“Hey..you okay?” Jonghyun asks when he sees Taemin's eyebrows furrow in discomfort.

“Oh, it's just, it's dark out..” Taemin trails off, his pinking cheeks visible in the darkness of the car.

“Hey, it's alright, I got you.” Jonghyun coos, brushing his hands up and down the younger arms, then up to his face.

“I'm here” Jonghyun says, meeting his eyes. It sounds funny, Taemin thinks, but he knows Jonghyun's expression is nowhere near joking now.

“I just...I don't want to lose you.” Taemin whimpers as his throat starts to clench. He lets his fingers graze Jonghyun's cheeks, gazing at him through blurry eyes. Jonghyun leans up to peck his cheek and suddenly Taemin breaks, tears spilling onto Jonghyun's cheeks.

“Hey..why are you? Oh come on, it's okay baby.” Jonghyun coos, cheeks warming at the sight of a flushed Taemin with trembling lips. He kisses him in a poor attempt to stop the shaking.

“Mm hyung, I'm-” Taemin stammers, he tries to continue speaking but is pulled into a tight, skin to skin hug.

“Shh..” Jonghyun whispers as he smooths Taemin's hair slowly.

Taemin nods, taking the other man into his arms. They allow themselves to stay there like that for a while longer. They lie there, embracing each well into the evening.

A little while later they finally decide to head home. It's a struggle to change into their clothes in their not-so-roomy backseat but they manage.

-

After a long drive back home filled with tangled fingers and quiet words they reach the dorm. They arrive at the dorm quietly, with interlinked arms. Taemin checks his phone to see it's just past 10pm. They both sigh, wondering if the others are still up or not.

It's Minho padding into the living room that sends their quiet gasps into the room. They both jump and rip away from each other in seconds.

The taller walks into the dark room and when he meets their eyes he freezes.

“You were out...late” Minho starts.

“Yeah um, just getting some fresh air.” Jonghyun explains.

“Hmm, is it really fresh though?” Minho asks. “I mean, you leave and it's nice and clean and simple, but when you get back it's the same as before, gloomy.”

“Minho..” Jonghyun starts, stepping a bit closer to the taller.

“I just wanted to say, that I- I should have stood by your side from the start...yeah it was pretty bad, but I could see your side and I knew how much you guys were hurting and I- I just sat there, and ignored you. I know this is all very random but I’ve had this on my mind for a while, I’ve been figuring out how to tell you two.”

“Minho..it’s not your fault.” Taemin says quietly.

“I could understand Kibum’s anger but, I was silently on your side from the start, but my cowardice prevented me from sticking up for you, and because of that, you guys suffered for over a month.” Minho says, his hand threading through his long brown hair in disappointment.

“Minho...just forget about it, Jonghyun and I are..okay.” Taemin hesitates, linking his hand with Jonghyun’s and showing Minho. Jonghyun nods and the two step closer to the taller man with tears forming in his eyes.

“I- I should have been there, you guys were so alone and I did nothing!” Minho’s voice is cracking now and it’s starting to break both their hearts. In unison they take him into a warm hug.

The three of them stand there amidst the darkness of the living room for a while, breaths shaking and shoulders trembling, and although the context is sad, this is a step forward for them, and they know things are bound to improve. A while later Minho speaks up, still wrapped in the other two’s embrace.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but Jinki is coming around too, he’s just- he doesn’t know how to deal with it totally, but I know he isn’t mad anymore.”

“Hmm well that’s good.” Jonghyun mumbles against Minho’s shoulder.

“I don’t- I don’t really know about Kibum though, he’s just always, so mad, and I honestly don’t understand it. He’s gotten better but I really don’t..have a clue.” Minho admits.

“Maybe..” Taemin starts to mutter. “Maybe he’s just a little jealous that Jonghyun and I are finally out, that maybe we don’t have to hide anymore- unlike him and Jinki.” Taemin finishes and it’s more of a guess than anything but the others simultaneously agree with him, saying it makes sense.

“I was...thinking, doing a lot of thinking and, I thought about doing it myself..” Minho said, making the two cock their heads up in curiosity.

“You mean you..would come out?” Taemin asks. “Minho I, I don’t know if that’s the best decision right now, especially after Jonghyun and I are just finally cooling down.” He purses his lips, uncomfortable with the idea.

“Hear me out.” Minho starts. “Maybe if I did, the pressure would be off you guys for a while, right?” Jonghyun and Taemin nod, unable to see his point. “I just wonder, if us three were out, maybe a certain pressure would alleviate and people would stop caring, or say things like ‘oh a SHINee member, they’re all gay, who cares?’ if things could be like that then..”

“I’m not sure.” Jonghyun admits.

“I see the appeal.” Taemin admits, interrupting Jonghyun. “It’s like we all bear the same weight right?”

“Mhm.” Minho hums. “Who knows, I mean, maybe once Jinki and Kibum come around, maybe we could all expose ourselves and become like ‘GAYNee’ or something?” Minho laughs and Jonghyun chuckles.

“I like the idea, but HATE the name.” Taemin whines, wrapping his arms tighter around Minho. Jonghyun heads to the kitchen, leaving the two of them in the living room.

“Thanks Minho, we..we really love you.” Taemin admits, eyes serious. Before Minho can respond Taemin stands on his tippy toes and pecks his cheek.

“I-” Minho says. “I just hope we can all be close again, I really miss that.”

“Well, take it from me, but I think we’re headed there.” Taemin smiles, patting his back to push him into the kitchen for an evening snack with his and his Jonghyun.

-

A few milk and cookies later and they’re laughing around the counter at 12am, with Jonghyun’s hand curled around Taemin’s waist and smiles that for once aren’t forced.

“Ok..this is gonna sound creepy but- can I just see you two kiss, it’s been ages and I realized I actually missed it. Something about it makes everything seem right. Plus I’m still not one hundred percent convinced you guys are okay again.” Minho huffs, arms crossed at his chest with a smug face.

Jonghyun and Taemin take a moment to look at him in confusing, and then at each other, and for a moment they freeze. They freeze because they really haven’t kissed in front of anyone for ages, it almost feels foreign and neither of them know why they’re suddenly bashful.

“I-” Taemin squeaks.

“What’s wrong, cat got your tongue?” Minho laughs.

“No actually I got his tongue.” Jonghyun retorts playfully, earning a roll of the eyes from Minho.

“I mean, it’s just been so long, in front of anyone else, it’s weird you know?” Jonghyun explains.

“You have to start from somewhere.” Minho says. Jonghyun looks back at Taemin and they laugh for a moment before staring intensely at one another, hoping that if they zone out everything and focus on each other, that they’ll be able to kiss.

Soon enough their lips are moving together and they pay no mind to Minho, who’s just calmly watching, relieved and content. A few seconds pass and they move more fiercely. Jonghyun grabs a handful of Taemin’s ass, bumping him closer. It takes Minho clearing his throat thrice for the two to realize, and then laugh, with pink cheeks.

“That’s nice.” Minho says calmly, grinning genuinely before the blushing lovers.

 

Epilogue

One things that definitely cheered up Jonghyun and Taemin in the following days after Minho’s apology, was the influx of thousands of messages, all from Shawols.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, Jonghyun called Taemin to his desk, he asked him to accompany him in logging back in to all his social media platforms, to offer support in case the fans had decided to abandon them- which they knew was improbable, but still an underlying fear. He sat next to Jonghyun and hoped for the best.

Both their mouths seemed to drop as they scrolled through endless pages of messages on Jonghyun’s Twitter, from long, loving paragraphs about how they were accepted by Shawols, to endless memes about their relationship, the positivity never seemed to end. Taemin shifted closer to Jonghyun, linking their fingers together in joy. Society itself might not accept them yet, but Shawols alone were more than enough to keep them going.

Once Taemin had left the room, Jonghyun sneakily saved all the newly produced JongTae fanarts he could find, and definitely read up on the newest fanfictions of them, created just for them in their new situation.  
End


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